Release me

Friday, 4 July 2014
This has certainly been a post that was not from my bed. It has taken me time to write this and finish this post because I am scared of letting go and this is one of the hardest post that I have written in a while. Before putting out this post (that includes writing and posting), I thought long and hard because my father reads my blog (hi daddy) but ultimately I decide this was the best way to get it off my chest and move on.

Have you ever that kind of love/heart break that you can seem to shake off. Years go by and yet that person still has a hold over you even though you are not together. You feel like you are not in control of your emotions and you need to be released by this person. So get your cup of tea (or drink) ready for a little story.

There was this boy who was three years ahead of me in secondary school/ high school who I had a thing with. We had feelings for each other, we spent every available free time we had together.. Almost everyone knew about what we had but the only problem was that we weren't anything "official". I didn't know what to define our relationship as. I remember once when he tried to kiss me and I ran away (well I had not been kissed before) I wanted us to be in a relationship. I remember there were times when his classmates will attempt to ask me out in his behalf but he didn't want that because as he put it "he wanted to do that himself".

Finally the day he decided to ask me was the day my heart broke.  On one fateful Saturday while I was watching my mates play football, someone came to tell me that he was calling me to come to a certain place but I didn't answer. He sent different people to call me but I didn't go. There was a reason I didn't answer, we had just had a fight (one of those petty fights though) so I was still playing hard to get. He finally sent one of my closest friend to come and call me but I still didn't answer. It was when I got back to my dorm that I knew what he wanted, he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend and he was leaving school next week. He then told my friend that there was no point because he was graduating and moving out of the country so there was no point. For days I cried like hell all because this.

Fast forward to current times, he still has a bad hold over me. I mean there are day where I would just break down and cry just because I was thinking of him. I mean very recently I got a snap from him and I was shocked because we have not spoken since he graduated (you don't even want to know how I got him on my snapchat, the stalker in me is VERY big). When I finally replied him and he sent me another one, I didn't want to open it because I knew that I wouldn't have anymore messages to look forward to from him anymore. I cried again once more.

I know what most people would say is why don't I talk to him. Honestly I have tried but ever since he graduated, he acts like he is bigger than everyone else. He has a very pompous behaviour, which is very stupid. I know I sound like a child whining but it's just because it feels so hard to move on.

Like I said before, posting this is one the scariest things I have ever done. So I want to know are there more people who feel or have felt this way before? Do you ever get over it? To be honest I think I'm over it but I am still in love with the memories that we shared and what could have been. So until I find my solution this is going to be on repeat.


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  1. Aww, I know this tale all too well. I always had an issue with getting the 'official commitment'. & To be honest, to this day, I'm not sure what I ever did wrong. But, all in all, it made me stronger as well as a better judge of character! Thanks for digging deep & having the courage to post this! (: Looking forward to more.

    ♥ | | xoxo

    1. Aww thanks carsla ...I still feel like crap sometimes but I'm getting better.


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